i’m so full of shite. so full of contradictions and ambivalences and ambiguities and inconsistencies. i wrote that  earlier post about being on the bound. that i’m going to bounce. 

and after i posted it, i realized that i was still waiting for my phone to ring, waiting for some connection, my whole being tuned into where he is and what he’s doing and how he’s feeling. and it’s difficult not to pick up the phone. so i started sorting out my closet and throwing stuff out. i took myself to the gym for distraction, but my mind has an absolute, single searing focus right now.

and yes, i am going to bounce, but i’m also bound. bound so tight and what feels like inextricably intertwined with what we were, with what was and i’m finding it difficult to escape the tentacles of the past so i can move into whatever future is waiting, towards whatever i am bound. 

here are just a few definitions of the word bound:

-verb bound up in or with,

a.	inseparably connected with.

b.	devoted or attached to:

intr.verb.   bound·ed, bound·ing, bounds     To leap forward or upward; spring. To progress by forward leaps or springs. To bounce; rebound.

–adjective

1.	going or intending to go; on the way to; destined (usually fol. by for): The train is bound for Denver.

2.	Archaic. prepared; ready.

–noun   

1.	Usually, bounds. limit or boundary: the bounds of space and time;

waste not    nov 11, 08

sometimes i wonder 

if i squandered love

believing it would never leave

thinking what i’d got was in infinite supply

seems sometimes even the bottomless well

is not

and the river you take for granted

so easily runs dry