post goa comeback

hey there, happy new year! yup, i’m back folks!

actually, i don’t know if that’s necessarily true.

physically, i’ve arrived back in johannesburg after 3 mostly blissful weeks in goa, but i think there’s almost a lifetime of thoughts and experience and change swirling round my brain – most of it inchoate, little of which has had time to congeal into words – and i’m not even sure how much of it is fit for public consumption. 

3 weeks sharing a tiny, cramped, little room with my friend crystal, sleeping on a single bed with a mattress so thin it took weeks for my hips to stop complaining. cold bucket showers with no towel, having to dry off with my face cloth and air-dry the rest, smelly indian-style squatting toilets –  an exercise in deprivation – yet, suffice to say, it was beautiful.  sweaty, melanoma-temptingly hot, gut-wrenching, with cows, soul-splitting, inspiring, with more cows, question-inducing, extreme polarities of light and dark,  a few more cows and some flies,  playful, fun,  a lot more cows, flies and mosquitoes plus  facing my demons and being met by the light. about on par with a first trip to burning man – except for the cows. and the flies and mosquitoes.  life-altering.

life altar-ing…

i’m grateful and i’m blessed… and i’m going to try very hard to remember to stay that way.

 

new year's eve sunset on arambol beach

new year's eve sunset on arambol beach

another beautiful arambol beach sunset

 

the view from our little room at the oceanic

offering digestive biscuits to the durga's tiger at magic park

view of arambol beach from the gate of the oceanic guest house

 

with crystal and new old friends, tapesh and chandra

 

bliss

i’ve run out of words.

i think. haven’t written a word the last week. no poems. nothing. it’s as if i’ve finally climbed out of my head and into the world.

i am. being. i think india does that to one. and i’m loving it. hooping on the beach, being cradled in the arms of a warm goan ocean, playing, sharing my skills with others,  letting life flow me from one perfect moment to the next.

i’m following my bliss.blissfully.

india carom – a-hunting we will go

so i’ve not had very much to say lately. though actually that’s a lie.  maybe i’ve had too much to say. words endlessly spiralling round my brain. 

i’ve been bouncing so high and so hard, i think i might just be caroming out of control. pick a pocket, pick a pocket! but i’m not ready to be stuffed into any pigeon-holes. at this stage i have no idea what a sass-shaped hole might look like!

i’ve been trying to hang on to that feeling of open-ness, that trust in the universe that all will be well, that it has only my best interests at heart and wants me to be happy, healthy, prosperous and surrounded by love and light and laughter. there’ve been some things, some news about the new year,  which make it hard to hang onto that belief, but i’m going to keep hanging in there. 

one of my best friends arrived in mumbai yesterday amid that part of the world going to hell in the proverbial hand-basket and i was incredibly scared that something might have happened to her, but i’ve had word that she’s ok. and trust me to make insane choices – i booked a ticket last week to go and join her and i land in mumbai on the 15th before moving on to goa. i thought i was planning a little quiet part-vacation, part-quest in order to usher in the new year and my new life as a singleton. well, now that the place is being blown apart, who knows what awaits.

but i’m going bravely forth. goa, here i come, a-hunting for whatever lies in store! i can’t wait to see who i’ll be when i get back.

 

Verse 1:
Oh, the noble Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill and
Marched them down again

Verse 2:
And when you’re up, you’re up
And when you’re down, you’re down
And when you’re only half way up
You’re neither up nor down

Verse 3:
Oh, a-hunting we will go
A-hunting we will go
We’ll catch a little fox
And put him in a box
And then we’ll let him go