love your self

love yourself.

LOVE yourself.

LOVE YOURSELF.

LOVE YOUR SELF.

yes, it’s international AIDS day, but no, i’m not necessarily advocating abstinence as an answer (though remember, if it’s not on, it’s NOT ON!).

love yourself.

those words are what i woke up with a few days ago, like an urgent message someone was whispering in my ear, a mantra burning itself indelibly into my brain. love. your. self. no external validation (even though i’ve gotten my fair share of that), no expectations, except the determination to show up for myself. unreservedly. to honor what i’m feeling with absolute acceptance and stillness and not try to run away from it.

for someone like me who so resolutely and determinedly has fought for space and freedom and independence, it’s interesting to have been given exactly what i’ve asked for. time and space to ramble around in.

and i find myself doing things i otherwise might not have.

called up my friend deon on saturday and went and spent a most fabulous time hanging out at the swimming pool with friends. then my friend jacki and i organized ourselves a safe-cab (responsible gals, us!) and went to check out steve newman at house of nsako. sunday afternoon i found myself unexpectedly part of an active tantra kundalini meditation which could have been exceedingly strange if i hadn’t chosen to keep myself open to new experience. though both saturday night and the kundalini movement were reminders for me about how i can lose myself when i dance. i’m off into other realms of ecstasy if i allow it.

one of the questions asked at the tantra talk was, “how much bliss can you stand?”

as much as i will allow.

so i’m allowing blissful illumination.