i’m so over being in the doldrums that i’m focussing only on the good news today – even though i’m, ironically, listening to the soundtrack from “sweeney todd: the demon barber of fleet street”. a friend thought it a great idea to invite me to the  xmas day opening at the arclight theater in los angeles. good thing i hadn’t eaten anything yet, cos it’s a mighty big dose of meat-pie! it’s probably the goriest musical you’re likely to see, but even though it took the rest of the day to untwist the knot it tied in my gut, i’d still recommend that you see it. all round excellence (except for helena bonham carter’s nails on chalk board singing voice).  johnny depp was the wonder that he always is. and he can sing! 

anyway, see how easy it is to get side-tracked? what was i saying about inconsistencies, ambiguities and ambivalences?

ok, to get back on track. again. literally. i made it out to the stadium and after chatting to a guy called walter who’s running the comrades next week, i managed 15 laps – finally moved up to 6k’s. and that without my ipod. i got to the track and by the time i realized i’d forgotten my ipod, it was too late to go back seeing that i had  an 11 o’ clock appointment with the designer who’s remaking a corset for me. so i tried to tune into my breathing and the music of my footsteps as a mantra to get me round the track. it worked and by the time i made it to lap 12, 15 seemed within reach. otherwise i’d have had to start from scratch next time and then the goal posts always seem unreachable.

so yeah, i did it. amazing what the brain can make the body do. mind over matter.

part of my running meditation was to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. i periodically have to remind myself of how much i do have to be grateful for – how soon we forget. so here it is – i am grateful.

i am grateful for life, for love, for my 2 beautiful dogs, for my health, for my family, for my job, for my house, for food, for the beautiful weather, for amazing friends, both for those still here and those who’ve gone before. i am grateful for my lungs, my legs, my running shoes, for my heart, pumping powerfully. for the fact that i am running 6k’s when i could barely run 1/2 a lap 3 months ago, for my willpower, for the ability to feel, for talents, for my car, for safety, for a conscious, for overflowing cupboards, for music, for words and books, for the internet!!!, for pvr, for my mind,  for the many lives i’ve gotten to live in these 44 years, for hoops and poi and flags and movies and the ability of the beauty of all i’ve mentioned  to stir the soul.

i am grateful. and i am grateful to be reminded, i am grateful.