how much is too much?

just over a year ago i committed myself to the folly that is blogging. (couldn’t someone warn me?!)

i’m not one to go back on my word, so if  i say i’m going to do something, you’re pretty much guaranteed that i will (which is why you don’t generally catch me mouthing off about my intentions!).  so i guess i thought that  publicly stating my intention to run a 10k, would make it impossible for me to back track. and yes, i did eventually complete two 10k races last year. besides the numerous hours and kilometres of training on the track.

so, it worked. and i even  squeaked onto afrigator’s top 45 women bloggers list.

it didn’t take long, though,  for this blog to be overtaken by all kinds of other topics, cos really,  i write about what’s on my mind – and what’s on my mind tends to come out pretty much uncensored.

aye, there lies the rub.

being a VERY minor public figure, i soon bumped up against the quandary of what might be TMI. i know  not to write too much about what happens at the studio or to reveal upcoming storylines for the soap which is how i earn my living, but this being a personal blog, it’s hard not to write about what’s going on with me personally.

and maybe that’s why i stopped blogging for a few months. i blogged intensely about the break-up i was going through at the end of last year, but then in the aftermath of trying to gather the pieces of a very shredded heart, i came up against another issue.

internet dating.

now,  i never thought that i’d ever find myself on a dating site, but in trying to move on, i did sign up for one. i even took out a 3 month prescription. the only problem was that, i don’t know about you, but when i meet someone new, i want to control what  info  i reveal about myself. at least initially. and that’s rather difficult when you’ve splattered intimate details of your emotional life all over the internet. not that i’ve anything to hide – i just like to be the one in charge of what is revealed. and when.

and in any case, what do you write once you’ve met someone new, “uhm, met this guy online, we went to dinner. he’s really nice. i think i like him, might want to go on another date.”, when there’s the likelihood that he might be checking in on your blog. i dunno. i found it weird and so i just stopped blogging altogether.

look, i must admit that i found internet dating weird too. first of all, because of my day-job, i couldn’t put up a pic and without a pic, you don’t really get many responses. of those i did get, a fair amount took my “not the usual suspect” tag to mean that i was into threesomes or some casual “discrete encounters”. not! i did go out on a few dates, with some nice guys, but none of them went anywhere, maybe because i was still way too involved with my ex, who in any case  soon wound up not being my ex anymore.  so i was very happy,  even before  my subscription expired, to delete my profile.

and then when the ex and i got back together, it all seemed too tenuous to talk about, so i maintained my  silence till i started blogging again just recently.  and ironically, now  it seems that it might be back to just me and my dogs, and i still debate about what i do and do not say in a public forum. i do know i’m not going back to internet dating, so that’s not an issue anymore. i’d rather die a spinster than try internet dating again. at least while i’m in south africa. i might give it a try should i move back to the states, but not here. and i’m just a little confused about how much i reveal online when there’s the public persona that people see on tv and think they know, versus the very real flesh and blood and flawed candid camera version that is the real me.

other bloggers, what is your take? do you hold back on what you put out for public consumption? should one?

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back on track – uhm, sort of…

last year my non new year’s resolution was to, possibly maybe, IF i felt like it,  start training and then run a 10k before year’s end. i, who have always abhorred running, i who was left panting and breathless after climbing the mere 5 flights of stairs up from the lunch-room at work, wanted to start running!

amazingly, i did it! it took me at least 6 months of training, but i eventually ran two 10k races; the spar ladies race and the soweto 10k the 2nd of november. however, less than a week after the latter, my long-time BF and i broke up and he moved out. you think i would have gone and tried  running off the blues, but instead, i stayed put and wallowed! no gym, no track, nothing. the fact that i lost my appetite and a good few kilos i’d been trying forever to shed, didn’t help to motivate me either.
3 awful months and some not very successful attempts at on-line dating later (maybe more about that some other time), the BF  and i realized that we were total failures at remaining exes. we decided we were very happy to become quitters at quitting each other.
in our time apart, he’d bought himself a mountain bike and and joined a cycling club, so once we re-united, we started doing some spinning classes at the gym. i though, have the kind of body-type which requires but one spinning class before my thighs start bulking up and i look capable of kick-starting a boeing,  and my butt, already obviously of saartjie baartman lineage, gets even bigger. tighter, more muscular and hoiked further up my back, but yes, bigger. so it looks like it might be a better idea to start running again.
i’ve done a few road/park runs over the past few weeks. half hour each, distance unknown, and i find it hard to believe that i’ve actually been quite excited by these runs. the BF rides his bike while i slog up and down hills in the park with the dogs roaming around and occasionally attempting to trip me up. everything still hurts, especially seeing that i’ve suffered some major back spasms this past month, but i think i’ll keep at it. yesterday i went back to the track for the first time since last october and ran 5k’s in just under 35 minutes. track running, though,  seems to require more tenacity and determination. maybe it has something to do with the fact that you keep running the same endless mobius strip loop and it feels like you could step off at any moment, whereas with road running you have a distinct start and finish point and if you don’t keep going, you don’t get home.
i thought i’d hung my running shoes up for good once i’d achieved my goal, but it seems i’d merely kicked them under the bed. i’ve blown off the dust bunnies and replaced them with good ole trail dirt!
ok, so maybe once a runner, always a runner? any other runners out there? what do you think?

soweto 10k update + free music

with anne and teresa post-race

ok, i think i’m giving up on giving up! ran the soweto 10k yesterday in 1h05 (4 minutes better than the spar 10k) and as soon as i got home, went online looking to see if there was another 10k in my area this coming weekend. i’m happy to report, there isn’t. 😉

the start was so disorganized that we crossed the start line a good six minutes after the starting gun went off. hordes of people and a crazy bottle-neck. i stood in line for 12 minutes to use one of the 3 porta-potties available, by which time the starting gun sounded, which meant i finally got to use the bathroom a good 2 hours later when i finally got back home. 

and yet, despite the fact that i had pulled a calf muscle from filming in high heels and doing all kinds of crazy spins for a promo for the station my show is on and had to strap my leg, despite the fact that the sun was already up and merciless at 7a.m., despite running over piles of trash, old carpets, road-kill, etc, it was a great race. there were an insane amount of people and i was so busy getting around walkers and runners of every conceivable shape and size (people running in slippers and flimsy slip-on shoes) that i couldn’t believe it when we i looked up and we had already reached the 3km mark. 

my journo friend, teresa and i finally got to run together and it really makes a great difference, having someone to talk to and share the race. we eventually parted around the 4k mark when i wanted to go a little faster. i normally don’t run without my ipod, but those first 4k’s were just fine when i had someone to talk to. when i was running on my own, though, i put in my ear-phones. there’s a song by  juno reactor called “conga fury” and it always drives me a little faster whenever i put it on. i decided to put it on a loop, and just kept listening to it over and over. it really kept me amped. the orange mega-carb boosters they were handing out at the water-stations also seemed to keep me going. i had taken a gu about 15 minutes before the race and had one on hand for the 5k mark, but the orange stuff they were handing out seemed to do the trick. 

all in all, i really enjoyed it! ok, even i can’t believe i’m saying that! so, i’m going to stop talking about hanging up my running shoes and if it happens, fine, but don’t be surprised if i start talking about the next big race. doing it with a friend makes all the difference. (hey patty, come on over!)

for those of you looking for some (free) music downloads to keep you going:

  • my friend dj kramer has fantastic free hour long downloads of his mixes.
  • over at podrunner dj steveboy has mixes specifically for running – you can find mixes at specific bpm’s to suit your pace.
  • dj steveboy also does groovelectric 
  • electric theatre also has some fantastic mixes 
  • some fantastic mixes here too. i love anything by dj cush.

i have a running mix in my ipod: SONG/ARTIST/ALBUM/TIME

  • Yeah Toxic (Blades Blend Remix/Britney Spears Ft. Usher and/Yeah Toxic (Blades Blend Remix/3:45
  • Poor Leno [Silikon Soul Rmx] / There Is A Light That Never Goes Out [Acapella]/Röyksopp Remixed By Silikon Soul / Erlend Øye/DJ Kicks: Erlend Oye/5:53
  • City Life/Brothers Of Peace/The D Project: Life ‘Iskorokoro/6:09
  • New York City Girl/Bodyrockers/Bodyrockers/4:14
  • Conga Fury/Juno Reactor/Bible of Dreams/8:08
  • Spaced Invader/Hatiras Feat. Slarta John/Best Of Club Hits Volume 4/4:15
  • Gramma Jams/Bassnectar/Beatfreak Bohemia/2:42
  • The Need To Be Naked/Amber/Best Of Club Hits Volume 4/4:59
  • September/The Joker (Shinichi Osawa Remix)/Fatboy Slim & Wind & Fire Earth/Babel Original Soundtrack/6:29
  • Who Are You?/Bassnectar/Beatfreak Bohemia/4:55
  • Burn For You/Kreo’/Best Of Club Hits Volume 4/5:02
  • I Like The Way/Bodyrockers/Bodyrockers/3:20

mind over matter

i am SO  over running. no, seriously. really. after sunday’s soweto 10k, i am absolutely hanging up my running shoes.

i went to the track yesterday for the first time since the spar 10k. in fact i should have gone monday, but my schedule is such that i’m at work at the crack and back after dark. i have so little desire to do this that i decided not to set my alarm for yesterday, but to see if i woke up in time to go to the track before work.

in the morning i opened my eyes and rolled over to look at the clock. 05H58. urgh. did a quick bathroom run, then jumped back in bed. 06H20 and i was lying staring at the curtain.  i finally admitted defeat, got up and into my running gear and headed for the track.

07h00 – the track lay melting under a seeming-midday-sun. by the time i got to 5k’s, i was having to give myself a good talking to in order to keep going.

matter: damn, it’s hot, i’m not enjoying this. knee hurts. i can feel where i got that  blister last time. i know i can get through the race on sunday. i can just stop now.

mind: what?! what are you talking about? if you stop now, you’re a quitter! you’re not a quitter, come on! just finish this lap.

matter: ok, that’s 13 laps, i can stop now.

mind: no, don’t stop now! come on, just one more. and one more. and one more….

it’s all mind over matter. and i mind. i really do. i think i’m going back to dancing, cos i know some people feel like running is absolute zen. it’s where they find their bliss. not me. i start a run knowing that i’m going to have to have to do this for the next 45/50/60 minutes. and i do it even when it feels like more modern day torture.

for me the best part about running is once i’m done. and i don’t think that’a a good enough reason to do it.

though i am going to do it.  the soweto 10k, sunday november 2, 2008, 06h15. yup, that would be this sunday! wish me luck!

just done it!

 


really! i swear i did – and there are photos somewhere out there to prove it.

 

i finally ran that 10k race! 

 

i have 10 000 reasons to look that smug!

i have 10 000 reasons to look that smug!

 

ok, so did thousands of other women (and men – in drag, it being the spar ladies race. one guy ran with a micro-mini riding up to reveal his thong underneath! one in a wig and handbag, many in fish-tights!) 

so after a few false starts (figuratively speaking), i followed nike’s advice and just did it. starting on march 23rd by walking half a lap and running half, it took me till end september to get to 10k’s. then followed  a major hiccup in which i did virtually no running since then. this morning, i eventually crossed the finish line of my self-inflicted non-new-year’s-resolution resolution to run a 10k race this year.

and did i mention i don’t even like running? 

i suppose it was appropriate that arnold geerdts was the mc for the event, seeing that he’s the one who figuratively gave me a shove onto the internet to find that couch to 10k program. he can take the blame, i’ll take the credit! 🙂

i said i’d do it. i did it. 1h 9 minutes. and i have the blistered toes to prove it. 

now if i NEVER run again in my life, it will be too soon.

just done it!

just done it!

if i can only dodge the friend pestering me to do the carnival city 10k next weekend! 

and the original purpose of this blog, to help me stick to my goal and take me across the finish line, is served! now whatever will i write about?! ha!

spar ladies race – 10k

ok. i’m officially crapping myself. 

went to pick up my t-shirt and number (#3276)  for the spar ladies race 10k tomorrow morning and had a look at the route. i’m scared. 

i’m feeling so underprepared. 2 months ago, i was in top shape and more than ready. then i had the whole laser peel drama as well as problems with my lungs and since then i feel like i’ve been hauling myself up a mountainside with nothing but dental floss! i’ve run exactly 7 times in the last 8 weeks and 5 out of those were in the last 10 days.

i did 8k’s on monday, 6.4k’s on wednesday and 5k’s last night. and each time it’s been slower than the pace i used to run months ago and i’ve been pretty exhausted after. the realization is sinking in that i may not be quite prepared for this. i’ve been running only on the track, whereas tomorrow, i’m going to have to overcome road-surface and hills. i’ve only run 10k’s once before and that was almost 2.5 months ago.

still, i’m determined. i’m going to finish this thing if it kills me. which it won’t.

good for me! 😉

wish me luck and check back tomorrow this time folks!