irretrievable

i think i am still in a state of disbelief. still finding it hard to fathom that this time is not another false ending. that there will not be another do-over. a take 4, or 5. there will be no rewrites on this particular script.

i keep seeing this very graphic image. you know the stamps used in official paperwork?

irretrievable

unbelievable as it may seem. irretrievable.

i should rather be a stone.

Stone 8.16.07

I’ve spent my life avoiding loss,
Shunning desire,
Never building not there
Castles in air,
Always prepared.

Perpetually aware,
I hoard my tears,
Guarding against the grinding loss
Of even one.
I do not allow a single
Leaking smear
Upon my cheek
For fear, unchecked,
A flood may come.

What I do not want
Cannot mistakenly
Leech into the void –
And loss.
A loss
I’ve lived my life
Avoiding.

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