peek-a-boo!

yes, can you believe it, it’s me! or according to the grammar nazi version of me, it is i!

i’ve written exactly 7 posts on this blog since the beginning of january 2013. yes, i counted. it’s like the words dried up, or at least they stayed mostly quarantined in my head. and despite my best intentions to return to what has always been my core identity – someone who writes. a writer. a poet. a smithy of words – something has blocked me. till now.

this past weekend i had the priviledge of attending The Artery – a creative immersion led by my friend verity maud at melody hills retreat in the magaliesberg.

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it was one of the best things i didn’t know i needed. we wrote, danced like mad dervishes, photographed, meditated, swam, walked, had intense conversations and i got to dust off some cobwebs which have been accumulating in so many areas of my life.

i know i’m creative. after all, i’m known as a maker of things! but i’ve been in a very long limbo, in something of a creative slump and this week-end helped to blow me wide open, both physically and emotionally. and i want to stay that way. the past 3 days helped me determine to get proactive and start my creative juices flowing again.

so this my friends, is me. i mean, i. 😉

i’m back.

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starting a scene…

it’s not been the easiest week. i came back from pretoria a week ago and while stuck in the ubiquitous traffic that goes with the N1 highway, i started sneezing and my nose started that old familiar trick of trying to run off my face.

i was in bed by 8, feeling like death. by the next morning i knew i had to get to the doc asap, which i wisely did. it seems that  all i ever see her for are my chronic sinus infections, though it seems lately i’m not the only one. anyway, i immediately started the mountain of meds and i expected to be all hale and hearty again by the next morning. not so much. it took at least 5 days before i started feeling vaguely better. felt like such a waste. felt like a setback in my training schedule at the gym just when i was really getting into it. and it makes me feel so negative and then i get down on myself for not being a little ray of sunshine.

have been feeling kind of strange. like i’m in an emotional limbo. feeling a weird sense of anticipation – like something’s about to happen, and i have no idea what that something might be. it’s not a bad feeling, just an un-known. maybe it has something to do with our show going soon from half hour to an hour daily and all the new actors coming in to join the cast. maybe it has to do with the strange and unsettling experience that was survivor. being on that island and living the reality of it and then seeing the crafted version – “this program is based on true events” – in which i hardly seem to feature.

and i’m just feeling once again like this:

I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;

Am an attendant lord, one that will do

To swell a progress, start a scene or two  …T.S.Elliot

maybe it has to do with the fact that after almost 4 years i’m finally getting my day in court. shortly after i returned from the states i narrowly missed having a shot-gun pellet take my eye out. instead that pellet still sits lodged in my eye-lid, millimeters from  my eye where the bone of my eye-socket stopped it. long story, but i’m suing the security company and next wednesday we get to face each other in court.

and i’m trying to finish the interminable divorce papers before the 6 month window closes (yes, it’s been almost 6 months since we started the filing process!).

anyway, this sounds like one long whinge, but i haven’t had the time to blog lately and i guess the blogs i appreciate most are the ones where the writer shares both the highs and the lows of the rollercoaster ride which is this life we live.

so here, let’s go, come take a dip with me…