we mortals are but shadows…

i’m so sick and tired of being sick. and i’m sure you must be tired of hearing me whinge and moan about it. the reality is, i’m not alone. i see it in status updates all over my social networks, i encountered it in the line at dischem with every second person hacking away, and now the bf who tried to ignore the symptoms is also spending all night hacking away and having to sleep sitting upright.

it’s almost 2 weeks and i still feel like i have a pachyderm sitting on my chest and i do a pretty good job of sounding like  one everytime i blow my nose. i have not been this ill in probably 20 yrs.

i wrote the above 2 days ago, not realizing i was about to get even sicker. yesterday, i finally had to go on round 2 of antibiotics and hire a nebulizer. i went to work – you know, the show must go on, but i was feeling dreadful. i was stopping every few lines or so to mop up the rivers streaming from my nose and by the time i got home and to bed, i was having a major pity-party. when the bf came home, i think he was a little freaked at the state i was in and called the doctor who advised me to take some of his cortisone  and if i got any worse, to take me to the emergency room (cortisone puffs one up. for an actress, it’s the last thing you want, but i was so ill that i finally conceded.). it might sound dramatic, but i seriously wondered if this was what dying felt like. i was feeling decidedly mortal.

today i’m much better. it seems that the cortisone and the elephant-strength anti-histamine and antibiotics have done the trick. i’m beginning to feel like i might actually survive this.

then, in the past hour i saw the news in my twitter stream that fiona coyne, presenter of the s.a. version of “the weakest link”, has died in a car accident. just this morning i passed one of those mercedes smart cars and thought again about actress ashley callie dying in one of them, and then this news about fiona. it’s really making me contemplate how vulnerable we are. the packaging we’re in is pretty resilient, but not when you’re hurtling through space in a metal box.

there have been times in my life when i’ve thought about how much easier it would be to not be here. no, i’m not a believer in suicide, but i have sometimes felt like sisyphus pushing that god-damned rock up the mountain for a futile infinity.

and yet, i surprised myself recently when i thought about the date that would be on my tombstone. never mind that i won’t have a tombstone. i’m being cremated (followed hopefully by the most balls to the wall party by those who care to attend). on the one hand i feel like it doesn’t really matter, yet the thought of that date made me  anxious. i could feel my chest tighten. so maybe i’m not quite done here. maybe i’ve yet a few more rounds to go with that rock.

i just think about fiona and the fact that she probably had no idea that today would be her last. what plans did she have for tonight, tomorrow, the weekend? it makes me sad. as i said on twitter earlier, it really makes one contemplate one’s mortality when the people with whom we shared our youth, die.

fiona R.I.P.

and for those of us still here, even if we know we’re going to have to push the rock up the mountain so many umpteen more times, maybe let’s try  to rock out while we’re at it. we’re all headed for the same destination – let’s make the journey count.

if you knew the dates in your obituary, would you do anything differently? and how would you want people to remember you?

updated @ 17h47 : it appears that fiona did not die in a crash, but was found by her domestic worker at 08h40 this morning. no foul play is suspected and 2 notes addressed to the domestic and her mom were found. suicide is suspected, not yet confirmed. she chose the date for her obituary. even sadder.

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that’s ill!

wow. it’s been quite a week. it seems that just about every second person i encounter, is ill or is experiencing some kind of drama. and i’ve had both.

ok, so a quick run-down of the past week. last thursday night i met up with a group of actors and pr folks from work at the “emily the strange” launch at 44 stanley, the little boutique mall in auckland park. it was an event organized by a friend of mine and the models looked pretty cool and edgy in their emo outfits. very “suicide girl”. i wore one of the line of dresses i’m working on launching and one of my co-stars, rolanda, wore a one-off  she’d bought from me. both dresses had a great response from everyone. getting lots of encouragement about this new venture. had a pretty great time, most of which was spent in the bar. eventually a number of us regrouped at my house around the heater. i made pop-corn, got out some snacks and we proceeded to raid the liquor cabinet while doing a post-mortem of the fact that one of the people in the party had just been car-jacked.

yes, you heard right.

he’d left the party to go to the gas station and as he was leaving, a bakkie (small truck) pulled infront of him and cut him off. the driver came towards his car and said that everything was fine, but that my friend had left his credit-card at the gas station. as he checked his wallet, he looked up to find  a gun in his face. someone else appeared at his passenger door  and got in. they then drove him to rosettenville and proceeded to take all his cash, cards and  all the snacks he’d just bought at the gas-station and then for some unfathomable reason, let him drive away. the poor guy was underplaying the experience, but he’s pretty shaken up. he was up from cape town for a few weeks and it was his last few days in jhb. i’m sure he’s glad to get the hell out of here.

next morning i was up at the crack with the worst hangover. from hell. and nothing i did seemed to help at all. what i didn’t realize, was that the hangover had segued into (another) migraine. and nothing i did seemed to help at all. OUCH!  one of the camera guys at work offered to kill whoever was responsible for the state i was in and i sheepishly had to admit that that would be me!

bg-food

the tapas platter

saturday, finally after a year of blogging, i made it to a bloggirls lunch. we, philly girl, ruby letters, mellisoo, boldly benny, angel’s mind, doodles of a journo and arkwife and i , met at cafe sofia in greenside and shared a pitcher or two of sangria and a platter of tapas with angel’s cupcakes being the cherry on top. great to meet some fellow bloggers and make the virtual connections real.

angel's cupcakes

angel's cupcakes

i wore my robe out on sunday

i wore my robe out on sunday

realized at lunch that i was getting sick though, so i stopped at the pharmacy for a voltaren suppository and something for the sinus infection/cold/whatever that was getting ready to chop me down at the ankles. got home and snuggled into thenew fleece robe/coat  i’d spent the morning making and decided to ditch my  contact lenses and get comfortable. as i took out my second lens, it disappeared. i looked all over the basin(with my nose almost right against the porcelain) and when i couldn’t find it, decided that it was probably still in my eye. note to self: be a little more careful digging around around parts of your body which the smallest pressure can turn to jelly. OMG! i did myself such damage. my eye was hurting like a mother (even more so with the migraine applying pressure from within!) and was red and angry looking and gelatinous.

sass-redeye

ouch!

the short story. my character has suddenly been wearing glasses this week to disguise my only now beginning to heal red eye and talking rather (literally)  snottily through her nose. let’s just say that i’ve been feeling VERY sorry for myself.

at least mercury is no longer retrograde so hopefully all the drama will abate soon. i can’t wait.