out with the old…

yes, it’s been a while. i’ve started a few posts, but life being so darn insistent on getting in the way, i’ve not gotten round to posting anything since i got back to town. i saw this meme on wenchy’s blog a while ago and i woke up from a much needed pre-festivities nap, knowing that i needed to get in a last post before the new year rolls in.

so…

while 2009 seems to be disappearing down the black hole which it created, i feel as if i’m tumbling head over heels from this year into the next. so much travel lately, so little time for contemplation. yes, the dates on which xmas and new year fall are really quite arbitrary, when you compare them to other calendars. the chinese new year is still a good few weeks away, the mayan calendar’s day out of time happens only in june; but, these are the dates by which we live and so i find myself like janus, the 2-headed god after whom january is named, looking both back and peering through the mists ahead.

each year starts out with such high hopes. we toss away the old year like a worn-out wife and rush to the new – the mysterious mistress beckoning with so many hopes and the tantalizing promise of  desires to be fulfilled. i don’t think, though, that either description fits. the new year will reveal herself as she sees fit and i refuse to revile the old. 2009 was filled with both bad and good, highs and lows, extremes of happiness and sorrow. as are most years. yes, the recession has kicked many a butt and there are high hopes that 2010 will provide the balm that helps ease the pain.that, however, only time will tell.

so, 2009, i thank you for the lessons you brought. i will try to take what i have learned and move on gratefully. 2010,  i respect your veils. drop them when you’re ready.

may we do more than survive in the new year. may we all thrive.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

it seems 2009 was a year of firsts. i got pregnant and miscarried at the age of 45. i went on an adventure i can’t yet talk about. i started my own clothing line. and i started divorce proceedings. finally

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?

i don’t make new year’s resolutions. i think it’s a sure-fire way of setting oneself up for failure. yes, i know it’s also a way of setting goals, it’s a wish-list in a way, for becoming a better version of ourselves, but i’d rather set intentions than resolutions. so, this coming year i intend to get to the gym more, be fitter, communicate more, perhaps get back to running, write more, build my business, finalize the divorce, etc. but if it doesn’t happen, i’m not going to beat myself up about it. and in anycase, i’ve already started on all those things – got myself a trainer, been to the gym most days this last month, got my dresses into boutiques…

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

not me.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

not in my inner circle. for which i’m grateful. though a number of relationships in my circle did perish, which makes me sad.

5. What countries did you visit?

india. the u.s.. mozambique. and burning man, which yes, is in the united states, but really is a universe all it’s own.

last new year on the beach in india

at burning man with my friend verity

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

i’d like to  be a better partner. i’d appreciate better communication skills. and i’d like some serious marketing and sales for my business.

7. What date, from 2009, will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

i don’t actually recall the date, but the morning i discovered i was pregnant and then the morning i miscarried will be always with me. and 11.11.2009 will always signify my willingness to test my limits.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

starting my own clothing line. starting divorce proceedings.

9. What was your biggest failure?

my scrambled eggs, i guess, as well as spending way too much time in my head and as a result, shutting out the people i love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

i did. as you can tell from above. also had a small fibroid removal op.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

my new macbook pro.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

i guess the b.f. for putting up with my mood-swings and  with me disappearing into the bermuda triangle which is my head.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

in some ways, i guess my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?

house, dogs, the sass designs clothing line.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

the sass designs clothing line.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

boom boom pow! you’re so 2008…. 😉

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

Happier or sadder? happier

Thinner or fatter? fatter, but most definitely fitter.

Richer or poorer? richer, i guess. i have work and i have a business which can generate income.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

loving.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

introspection.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

spent xmas with new friends of the b.f. after a whirlwind 3 days in cape town seeing my family and my bff from college, who now lives in holland and only comes to cape town in december each year.

21. How will you be spending New Year?

at a house party with a new friend.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

yes. again.  🙂

23. How many one-night stands?

i take the fifth! ( i was single for the first month of the year)

24. What was your favorite TV programme ?

californication. and no that has nothing to do with the previous question!!!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

i don’t hate anyone.  in fact the amazing thing of this past year is that it brought forgiveness. and i’m reminded that resentment is the poison we take, expecting the other person to die.

26. What was the best book you read?

i unfortunately don’t get to read much, seeing that i have to read 6 scripts a week, but “the book thief” by michael zusak has to be top of my list this last year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

what comes to mind: oren lavie – her morning elegance. the video for that is amazing. find it on youtube.

28. What did you want and get?

work. thought i was going to be self-employed, but that lasted all of 2 months and then i was offered a new contract on my show.

29. What did you want and not get?

the ability to keep myself open. a better, fitter body and mind. but watch this space.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

avatar.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i turned 45 on my last birthday (in fact have another one coming up momentarily) and i had a small gathering  with friends. indirectly something that happened on my birthday lost me 2 really close friends, but also got the bf and i, who were broken up at the time, back together. but that’s another story altogether.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

money. yes, it’s an obvious answer, but i could have done my house renovations and i wouldn’t have had to take any shit from anyone.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

much more flowing and feminine, especially with the signature item in my clothing line being a long dress.

34. What kept you sane?

technology. the internet. getting more involved with some of the cool crazies who people my online world.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

no-one in particular comes to mind i’m afraid.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

many, but a lot of gay-related issues, seeing that a lot of my chosen family have not chosen the straight path.

37. Who did you miss?

my friend patty who lives on the other side of the world from me.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

cindy, who was a rock for me under trying circumstances.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

each time we get hurt, we have a choice. we can feel the pain, live with it  till it goes away. or allow it to scab over and form thick keloid scars to protect against future pain. the only problem with those protective scars is that it doesn’t only stop you from feeling pain. it can stop you from feeling. period. so i’m going to keep reminding myself of that. and keep feeling.

and another thing. good intentions count for nought. walk your talk and live now for tomorrow has no guarantee.

40. Quote that sums up your year.

yes, we can!

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11 thoughts on “out with the old…

  1. Great post and so honest, its breath-taking.

    Best wishes to you for 2010, wishing you lots of love and happiness and of course, success with all your endeavours!

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention out with the old… « Cyber Sass – My Whorl -- Topsy.com

  3. Eloquent and frank as always! It was great getting to share in your ups and downs, and striking up a friendship with you, which I do not disparage as being virtual or online. Looking forward to this year, and seeing some amazing developments for you. Thank you for every caring word you’ve sent my way- often at times when I needed them most. Keep looking to the future and all that it holds for you. Anything could happen!

    • thank you scott. i treasure our connection. and yes, let’s keep our hands stretched out and open – one never knows what the universe might choose to put into them. 🙂

  4. Wow Sass. Thanks for posting this. I think I’m going to fill in my own answers on my blog. I’ve been feeling the need for some completion and retrospection. I think I’m also going to do a Decade in Review and highlight the biggest moments of each year that just passed in the first decade of this millennium. Thanks for reinspiring me. Again and again. It’s funny, you were such a huge part of the New Year’s the day we met. Set the tone for so much of where I’m at right now. Thanks for that! LOVE!

    • oh isa, i’m so glad you stop by here. i find it so funny that i could be an inspiration for you, you miss flow herself from whom i have so much to learn on so many levels. much, much love to you. that new year must count as one of my favorite one’s – ever! let’s make this coming year as memorable! xxx

  5. ‘i’m reminded that resentment is the poison we take, expecting the other person to die.’ – That is flippen deep man!

    Awesome quote – why didn’t I think of that?!

    I think I failed at this post on my blog. My head is on another planet!

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