breaking up is hard to do

Contingency Planning

 

 

the milk’s been spilt,

the horse been flogged,

the ship has sunk

got home from work yesterday at the end of a week that was and my partner of 4 years, the one who gave up his life in l.a. and followed me 10 000 miles,  sat me down to tell me he was moving out today. 

talk about a sucker-punch. 

though why i’d be surprised, i don’t know, seeing that we have both been miserable for a really long time. in the 4 years we’ve been together, we’ve split up and got back together at least that many times. it’s not like we haven’t tried. it’s not that there’s no more love. that’s the irony. he is just so much braver than i. because i don’t know if would have had the courage to do it – and it needed to be done. i have a history of staying too long. the frog not realizing that the water is starting to boil…

i just really don’t know if i know how to have a relationship with anyone. it’s not something one gets taught when you’re growing up and most of the examples we’re given, are nightmares we spend our lives repeating.

how can it be that i am equal parts sad and relieved? you’d think i’d have no more tears left, but that’s not the case. 

so. the milk is spilt and even though it was turning sour,  i am crying…

addendum: what is it about election week? my last relationship ended exactly 4 years ago this week – in fact, on election tuesday…

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3 thoughts on “breaking up is hard to do

  1. Breaking up is hard to do. Learn to let go with love. There is so much love inside of you, you will find a way.

    Love you, sister! xoxo

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