uhm…what was i just saying?

ok. i admit it. i have a very short attention span. 

i never actually realized this till recently, but maybe it has something to do with being an actress. my career started off on stage and when you’re doing theater, you rehearse something for 4 to 6 weeks, you perform for maybe a month or two and then it’s done. you move on to the next play, the next character, the next costume. your focus shifts.

i’m beginning to realize that that mind-set at some stage (hmn) spilled over into my “real life”. and to veer off on a tangent here, at the last moment last night, a new friend called me up and offered me a ticket to “puppetry of the penis”. yeah, you heard right. the show’s been travelling the world for the last “dickade” and i’d thought about going to see it, but probably wouldn’t have got there otherwise. parts of it (snicker) are incredibly funny. my friend wound up not going, so i sat next to someone who’s a 5th year med student. she wanted to know what i do in “real life” (see, there was a point to the tangent) when i’m not watching men playing with their dicks. to which my response was, that in my “real life”, i get to play pretend – seeing that my day-job entails me pretending to be what she’s studying to become. funny. 

anyway to get back to the (original) point. i realize that i immerse myself in things and then i move on to the next thing (do i do the same with people? hmn?). i became a songwriter when i wasn’t getting any acting work. now that i’m acting full-time, i haven’t written a song in almost a year. last year i was intensely into spinning. this year i took up running. at one stage i made jewellery. for a while i sculpted. (though admittedly, i have been passionately into hula-hooping and fire-dancing for at least the last 7 years).

now, at the moment, i am entirely focussed on sewing and designing clothes. every spare moment is spent surrounded by fabric and thread and my serger hums along like a manic-depressive off her meds. in fact, right now, i’m sitting with the makings of a tutu lying at my feet, just waiting for me to finish at this keyboard.

which is why i haven’t been blogging. i thought that maybe i had nothing to say, but as we can see, once i get started…

though till i started this particular post, i was feeling like this poem again…

 

lately i feel…   4.28.00

 

 

lately i feel incredibly dumb

like my tongue’s been nailed to a board

like my brain’s been robbed

of some of the best knowledge

once stored there

 

words which use to roll

around my mouth at will

now will not come

lie lost as worlds beneath stilled waters

and will not come

even when sought

 

no matter how i prodding poke

my prying oar

still the glassy surface steely holds

and will not reveal nor

yield

it’s hoard

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